


Science and other terrible ideas

by Nary



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon)
Genre: Anal Sex, Banter, Biting, Blood Drinking, Blow Jobs, Blow Jobs With Teeth, Drunk Sex, First Time Bottoming, For Science!, Half-Vampires, Human Biology, M/M, Penis Size, Snark, Sypha Belnades cameo, Table Sex, Trevor asking the important questions, Vampire Bites, Vampire Physiology, Vampire Sex, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 16:49:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18525622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nary/pseuds/Nary
Summary: "What would happen if you drank blood from someone who was drunk? Would you get drunk then?"Alucard frowned.  "I... don't know.""Let's find out.  Drink from me, and see what happens.""Trevor, this is a terrible idea...""No, it's science," Trevor insisted."There's ample evidence from the entire course of human history that something can be both at once."





	Science and other terrible ideas

"I don't know what's so funny," Alucard said with a frown. "All I said was that I've never seen the appeal of getting drunk."

"That's what's funny!" Trevor said when he could catch a breath between bouts of laughter. "Oh... you don't get it. Because you're a vampire... you don't get drunk, you're the one who does the drinking!"

"Half-vampire," Alucard protested to no avail. Trevor still clearly found the entire thing hilarious. It likely helped that he'd been drinking all evening, having discovered the wine cellar in the castle, which was what had started the conversation in the first place. He was currently lounging in the castle's kitchen with a couple of empty bottles to show how he'd been passing the time.

"Why would a vampire even have a wine cellar? Can your sort even get drunk?" Trevor asked when he'd managed to compose himself slightly. "Or is it for guests? Do you not drink... wine," he added with a snicker.

"My mother did also live here. And I can drink wine," Alucard explained, with far more patience than this conversation deserved. "But my body doesn't process it in the same way - I don't experience intoxication like a human does."

"That sounds like absolutely no fun," Trevor said, leaning closer and putting an arm around Alucard's shoulders. "Typical of you, really."

Alucard wrinkled his nose. "You smell like the bottom of a horse trough that's been filled with beer." 

"You don't have to sweet-talk me," Trevor told him with a leer. "Tell me how you really feel." 

"Or an outhouse where someone's hung their sweaty socks up to dry."

"See, that's more like it. How do you even know what an outhouse smells like, though? Do vampires shit?"

Alucard closed his eyes, longsuffering. "Trevor..." 

"I mean, if they only drink liquid, maybe they only have to piss. Is their piss red?"

"...Trevor."

"Maybe they don't even have assholes, if they don't have to shit. Maybe they seal up, or fall off or something."

Alucard rolled his eyes. "Trevor! That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say, and it's up against some stiff competition. Vampires start out as humans. They don't lose any... parts... when they get turned. Assholes aren't vestigial."

" _You're_ a vestigial asshole," Trevor said with a snicker.

"Oh, fuck off."

"Hey, I'm just trying to do some research into vampires, that's all. Very important research." His speech was slightly slurred.

"Don't you have an entire library full of books you could use to research questions like whether vampires can get drunk, or if vampires shit?"

Trevor shrugged. "I doubt my learned ancestors thought to write that down."

"And it would mean having to read," Alucard added with a knowing grin.

"Shut up," Trevor retorted. "It's just more efficient to ask you."

Alucard shrugged. "I'm not a typical example. What applies to me might not apply to full vampires."

"You seem pretty sure about the state of their assholes, though," Trevor said, half-sprawling across the table as he reached for the bottle. "First-hand knowledge?"

"It's just common sense," Alucard sighed.

Draining the remainder of the wine, Trevor looked over at him with a curious expression. "What would happen if you drank blood from someone who was drunk? Would you get drunk then?"

Alucard frowned. "I... don't know."

"Let's find out. Drink from me, and see what happens."

"Trevor, this is a terrible idea..."

"No, it's science," Trevor insisted.

"There's ample evidence from the entire course of human history that something can be both at once."

"Come on," Trevor goaded him, tugging his shirt's neckline further open. "Are you afraid?"

Alucard narrowed his eyes, looking away. "You don't know what you're asking for."

"Sure I do. Just don't go all crazy and drain me dry. Go for it - I trust you."

"Your ancestors wouldn't approve," Alucard said. "It's probably Belmont rule number one: never invite a vampire to bite you."

"No, Belmont rule number one is make sure you look stylish while fighting evil. How do you think I always look so good?" Trevor gestured to his ensemble. The effect was slightly marred by his harness having been tugged askew when he had bared his neck. "Come on, aren't you thirsty?"

"I'd say you're the one who's thirsty," Alucard said dryly. "Look at you, basically throwing yourself at me."

Trevor laughed. "I didn't ask you about vampire fucking yet. I wanted to see if you can get drunk - then we can talk about other stuff."

Alucard still looked dubious, but his lips were slightly parted, exposing his fangs. "Trevor," he said again, more quietly, "I'm worried if I start I won't be able to stop."

"I can defend myself if it comes to that. If you get carried away, I'll just throw you across the room." Trevor reached out and pulled Alucard closer. "I want to know what it feels like," he purred.

That was just about as much temptation as Alucard could stand. With a hiss as he sucked in a sharp breath, he was on Trevor, who tilted his head back willingly to allow him easier access to his throat. He sank his fangs into that exposed skin, savouring the gasp Trevor let out as much as he did the hot rush of blood when he pulled out. Trevor moaned, and Alucard could feel how hard his heart was pounding by the rapid pulse against his lips. Clamping his mouth over the open wounds, he sucked and swallowed eagerly - he hadn't realized just how badly he wanted this.

"Fuck," he heard Trevor groan as he lapped up the steady flood. It was all too much - and he did think, somewhat to his surprise, that the blood's alcohol content was having some effect on him. At least, he felt more lightheaded with each mouthful, verging dangerously on out of control. And it didn't help that beneath him he could feel Trevor's cock hardening, practically begging him for more... 

With a harsh moan and a colossal effort of will, Alucard licked Trevor's wounds closed and pulled back, still straddling him, gazing down into his pale face. Trevor's eyes were shut, and he was panting for breath. For a long moment, Alucard was afraid he'd gone too far. Then Trevor opened his eyes and whispered, "Is that all you're going to suck on?"

Alucard wanted simultaneously to smack him and kiss him. He settled instead for grasping the bottom of Trevor's shirt so that he could tug it up and work his hand down in between his stomach and trousers. His fingertips grazed the head of Trevor's cock, making them both gasp. Then Alucard withdrew his hand, ignoring Trevor's protests, but only long enough to slide to the floor and kneel between his splayed legs. Trevor got the idea then, and helped unfasten his trousers, revealing a huge, hard cock that practically made Alucard drool.

He couldn't let Trevor know that, though. "Honestly I'm amazed you have enough blood left to power your brain and this ridiculous thing," he said, gripping it in his hand. "I can see which one you prioritized."

"What does blood have to do with it?" 

"I just meant that you're probably using half your remaining blood supply to stay hard."

Trevor chuckled. "I'm not a vampire, I don't need blood to get a boner."

Alucard furrowed his brow. "But that's not..." He realized his mother had been a doctor, and therefore his own knowledge of anatomy and physiology probably surpassed that of most ordinary people, and that Trevor had not had all of his advantages in life, but he hadn't expected to have to explain _this_. "When you're aroused, your penis fills with blood, and that's why it gets hard."

Trevor looked bemused, then erupted with laughter. "You... you really think that's how it works? Have you ever fucked a human before? _Something's_ going to come out of it, but it's not going to be blood. Wait," he said, over Alucard's pained expression, "do vampires cum blood instead of jizz?"

Alucard's jaw dropped slightly in amazement. "Trevor," he said, with as much dignity as he could muster, "shut up." Then he lowered his lips over the waiting cock in front of him, which had the desired effect of making Trevor stop talking nonsense, at least for now. The stretch of his jaw muscles was a delicious ache as he sucked him deeper, tasting the salt of his skin and feeling the pulse of the blood Trevor didn't believe was there just beneath the surface. 

With a moan, Trevor pushed his hips forward, driving further into Alucard's waiting mouth. Alucard took the sudden intrusion as well as could be expected, swallowing him down with only a slight effort. They fell into an easy rhythm, Trevor thrusting and Alucard matching his pace. For all their differences, under certain conditions they worked well together. 

The harmony was disrupted, however, when Trevor said, "Hey... are you going to bite my dick?"

Alucard practically choked, but not from the cock in his mouth. He recoiled for a moment, startled. "Do you want me to?"

"I don't know," Trevor said, with his 'I'm going to do the bad idea' look. "Would it hurt?"

"Maybe if I bit you right on the head, yes. I could go lower..." Alucard traced his finger down the length of Trevor's cock. "If I drank from the base, it might be interesting." He'd never had someone suggest this before, and honestly it had never occurred to him to try it. He had to admit he was intrigued. Maybe it was the alcohol he'd already ingested with his first drink of Trevor's blood, or maybe it was just Trevor's curiosity rubbing off on him. "Would that prove to you that you have blood in your cock?" he asked with a smirk.

"Oh, yeah, I knew it had blood in it," Trevor replied. "I just liked seeing your face when you thought I didn't know."

Alucard closed his eyes and took a deep breath to keep from strangling him. "Sit back," he told him. "And remember, this was your idea." He bowed his head over Trevor's dick again, giving it a few slow licks to get back into the mood before taking it as far into his mouth as he could. His fangs grazed against the skin at the base of Trevor's cock, and he heard a faint moan before he closed his mouth just enough to drive them in. The blood here tasted different somehow, muskier and richer - or maybe that was just his fevered imagination. Either way, he still swallowed it just as greedily. 

Trevor groaned, hips jerking and legs quivering as Alucard sucked harder, working against gravity to lap up the flow of blood. "Fuck," he gasped, "that feels fucking amazing!" Without further warning, he gave a sudden spasm and flooded Alucard's mouth with come. It mingled on his tongue with blood so that he had to gulp them both down together. He did the best he could, but he knew he had to look a mess when he drew back, trails running down his chin and dripping from his lips. He wiped his mouth on the back of his hand, licking up what was left over.

"You're a sloppy eater," Trevor said when he could form words again. He leaned back against the wall, arms behind his head. 

"You're hardly one to talk," Alucard replied. He felt, if anything, more tipsy than before, and rose unsteadily from the ground, hovering in midair dramatically, although at a slight angle. "I've seen you pick up food from the ground, dust it off, and eat it."

Trevor shrugged. "If you clean it off, it's still good." 

"How is it possible you've survived this long?" Alucard wondered. He also wondered if this lightheaded, careless, slightly giddy sensation was how Trevor felt when he drank, or if he was a practiced enough drunk that he didn't go through this stage anymore, and progressed directly to morose numbness. 

"Maybe I'm immortal," Trevor said with a lazy grin. "I mean, so far, all evidence points to yes."

"Let's not test that theory." Alucard drifted slightly above him, gazing down at him. He didn't want to think about Trevor's mortality right now, about how fragile humans were and how quickly they could be torn away. 

"Yeah, science is fine and everything, but we don't need to test that out," Trevor agreed. "But I didn't find out about vampire fucking yet. That's a much better experiment."

Alucard raised an eyebrow. "What did you want to know?"

"Well, obviously they can do it, right? Otherwise you wouldn't exist."

"They can," Alucard agreed, trying not to think too hard about his parents' sex life. "For some, it's a habit they formed in life, a reminder of earlier times - whether for good or ill." He paused before continuing. "For others, the drive for sex is displaced by the desire for blood. It doesn't mean they can't have sex, but they might not crave it in the same way as they did before. But some will do it anyway, whether as a tool to lure in victims or... because it's something their partner desires." This was all a bit complex, and he was feeling increasingly woozy. It was hard to make the words come out right. "Like you. You want it, and that makes me want it more..."

"Oh sure, try to blame this on me," Trevor said. "You're not a real vampire - you must still have some human, uh, urges."

"Some," Alucard admitted, drifting down to settle into straddling Trevor's lap again. "Did you want a demonstration?" He unfastened his belt, opening his pants to let Trevor have a look. His cock stood out hard and ready, and Trevor blinked, surprised, then hesitantly took it in his hand. 

"I didn't figure it'd be so big," he said, running his fingers down its length.

"If that's meant to be a compliment, you need to work on it some more," Alucard replied. "Or you can make it up to me by bending me over this table and fucking me."

Trevor's eyes widened slightly. "I would, but it'll take me a little while to get hard again. Humans can't just go again right away - can vampires?"

Alucard shrugged. "I suppose it depends on the vampire. If you don't think you can manage, I'd be willing to fuck you instead. Unless you're worried it's too big for you," he said, smirking as he thrust slightly into Trevor's hand. 

Trevor looked vaguely embarrassed. "Ah, I've never...done that before."

"Never been the recipient of such exquisite pleasure? What a shame," Alucard purred, leaning close to his cheek. "You wanted to know what it felt like when I slid my fangs into you - why would my cock be any more strange?"

Trevor didn't have any counter-argument to that. "Sure, why not?" He stood, lifting Alucard with him, and set him down so that he could get his trousers the rest of the way off, only tripping over them slightly in the process. Alucard looked around the kitchen and found a small jar of oil that would serve his purpose well enough. 

"Bend over," he told Trevor, who grumbled a little but leaned over the table, bracing himself on his elbows. "Don't worry," he assured him, "I'll go easy on you - for now." He poured a trickle of oil over his fingers and started working it into Trevor's upturned ass.

"Fuck!" Trevor exclaimed as the first finger slid inside. "That feels weird."

"Mmm," Alucard murmured, drawing back and giving him a moment to adjust before easing back into him again with a second finger. "You'll get used to it."

"I just want your dick," Trevor said impatiently. "Dicks don't have knuckles."

"If you insist." Still, Alucard took a moment to rub the remainder of the oil onto his cock before he started pushing into Trevor's virgin ass. The sounds he made were delectable - a symphony of gasps and whines and curses. "Try to relax," Alucard told him, pausing after a particularly vocal outburst. 

"I'm fucking trying but it's a little hard right now with a god damned monster dick in my guts!"

Unsure if 'monster' in this case referred to size or nature, Alucard decided not to inquire. Instead, he angled his arm around Trevor's waist to feel his cock. "A little hard, indeed." He stroked him, pushing in a little further as Trevor's dick continued to stiffen. Trevor swore again, this time more breathless, and pushed his ass back against Alucard to draw him the rest of the way in. 

"Fucking... fuck," he gasped, clawing at the table's surface. "More!"

"You have it all," Alucard told him, running a hand down his back and feeling it damp with sweat. "But I can certainly give you more." He started thrusting slowly, gradually building up speed as Trevor moaned with increasing enthusiasm. 

"There's something...ohh fuck! Right there! Do it again!"

"Your prostate." Alucard smirked and hit it again with another hard thrust, making Trevor cry out. "Feels good, doesn't it?"

"I don't fucking need an anatomy lesson right now - as far as I'm concerned, it's a magic button inside my ass that makes choirs of angels sing. Just keep doing that!"

Alucard suppressed a laugh and went back to reaming Trevor, giving him the good hard pounding that he so deserved. He wasn't heartless, though - he kept on fondling Trevor's cock when he could, in the slower moments between bursts of more vigorous fucking. Soon Trevor was whimpering and begging to come, so Alucard held back and made him wait a little longer as he savoured the sweet depths of his ass, the wanton way he ground his hips back against him... 

Finally it was all too much, and Alucard grabbed hold of Trevor's shoulders so that he could deliver a last few bone-shuddering thrusts before unloading into him. Trevor cried out and Alucard could feel him coming, feel the force of his orgasm, the hot tightness when he clenched and spasmed, and then the soft open relaxation when he was done. Trevor's knees gave way when he slid out of him, requiring Alucard to catch him so he didn't hit the stone floor. He staggered back, winded himself, and managed to get Trevor to the bench, knocking over one of the half-empty bottles of wine in the process.

It was at that precise moment that Sypha appeared in the doorway, to find the two of them entangled, breathless and pantsless, shattered glass and wine on the floor, the table covered with wine and semen and even a few drops of blood. "What on earth are you doing?"

"Science," Trevor managed to say with a grin.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr at [naryrising](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/naryrising) if you want to ask questions, make requests, or chat!


End file.
